(after Milosz)

[1]

Overhearing the subtext, those unvoiced Words flowing underneath that hour of gossip, My mind grew troubled and my heart Filled with guilt and torment.

Let the devil have love (in small letters) and it’s Attendant curses - romance, music Of flesh, grandiose day dreams, and that Which always comes at last: Disappointment

With a sack of bitter coins – quarrels, denunciations, Scratched faces, broken bangles, tears – thrown over Its crooked back.

[2]

In those rare moments when I feel (perhaps another Trick of mind) I am rising towards distant Infinity I sometimes look back, both in pain And wonder, at my pitiful buffoonery.

Then inspired by the devil know what, I imitated Other saints and sinners in composing verses, All of which have passed, thankfully, into oblivion. Why didn’t I hear that clear ringing of a gong

Rattling my teeth as my hungry tongue exchanged Words mixed with saliva, with those other tongues? How many soap operas have I directed featuring Minor white lies? What are those beautiful masks

Under which I have concealed my face racked With desire and revulsion? And finally to what Purpose this horrible confession?

[3]

Dear, the devil might well be drawing all these lines, As many of my previous others, yet somehow LOVE (in capital letters) must exist, if only as dots Of this puzzled life, if only as flowers in autumn rain.

An echo of a train hooting Mixes with a guitar, gently Strummed. Memory is like that You know,

The sharp blade of regret And suffering slicing through The chords of all that was good And so is now past.

After a while, a voice starts Up, as if ringing from a phone, Hesitant swimming up from The disturbed waters of silent Years pooled between now And then - present and past.

A ripple is set off somehow – None threw a stone in, No rain is falling down Nor is the air traveling - Beginning at the margins, That soft skin of earlobes, The well in one’s neck, Fingertips, corners of lips.

And so afterwards a man sits Up in bed all night, Clutching the center, His wildly oscillating heart.