The Washington Post had a front-page article last week reporting that a significantly higher percentage of American college graduates are women and quoting experts saying that would make it harder for women to find suitably smart mates.

And a new study from Rutgers about why more men are putting off marriage suggests that moms who warned daughters that guys would think, "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk free?" may have been right: women have sex to get men to marry them, but men think they don't need to marry because they're already having sex.

Which brings us back to the dread findings of Sylvia Ann Hewlett: Women having trouble finding husbands get better educations and bigger jobs to support themselves, which ends up scaring away possible husbands. Catch-2002.

• "Makin' Us Dizzy - MAUREEN DOWD NYT Editorial"

This was a further take on the long interesting talk I had with Doc two nights ago, especially the part in bold. We were trying to build a theory on the freaknik scene. The theory was women, who allow guys to grind their pelvises into their behinds, in the context of a dance floor, are trading pseudo sexual favours for attention. And that can be a heavy duty shortsell because as we all know that human attention spans have dropped to the levels of a goldfish! Boy o Boy.

"The addictive nature of web browsing can leave you with an attention span of nine seconds - the same as a goldfish." - BBC

So does this lack of patience bode statistics like the following?

Median age at divorce: (1997) Males: 35.6 Females: 33.2
Median duration of marriage: (1997) 7.2 years
Likelihood of new marriages ending in divorce in 1997: 43% Percentage of all householders who are unmarried: 48% Percentage of weddings which are remarriages for at least one partner in 1997: 43% Percentage of first marriages that end in divorce in 1997: 50% Percentage of remarriages that end in divorce in 1997: 60%

from Divocre Magazine. Very Interesting that US even has a divorce magazine!!

A Simple Solution:

We need to do as Dalai Lama suggests, consicously work towards patience. So here is some food for thought.

"Generally speaking, all the major religions of the world emphasize the importance of the practice of love, compassion, and tolerance. This is particularly the case in all the traditions of Buddhism, including the Theravada, Mahayana, and Tantrayana (the esoteric tradition of Buddhism). They all state that compassion and love are the foundation of all the spiritual paths.

In order to enhance one's development of compassion and cultivate the potential for compassion and love inherent within oneself, what is crucial is to counteract their opposing forces. It is in this context that the practice of patience or tolerance becomes very important, because only through patience is one able to overcome the obstacles to compassion. 

When we talk about patience or tolerance, we should understand that there are many degrees, starting from a simple tolerance, such as being able to bear a certain amount of heat and cold, progressing toward the highest level of patience, which is the type of patience and tolerance found in the great practitioners, the Bodhisattvas on the high levels of the Buddhist path. Since patience or tolerance comes from a certain ability to remain firm and steadfast, to not be overwhelmed by the adverse situations or conditions that one faces, one should not see tolerance or patience as a sign of weakness, but rather as a sign of strength coming from a deep ability to remain steadfast and firm. We can generally define patience or tolerance in these terms. We find that even in being able to tolerate a certain degreeof physical hardship, like a hot or cold climate, our attitude makes a big difference. If we have the realization that tolerating immediate hardship can have long-term beneficial consequences, we are more likely to be able to tolerate everyday hardships. Similarly, in the case of those on the Bodhisattva levels of the path practicing high levels of tolerance and patience, intelligence also plays a very important role as a complementary factor. 

In addition to the value of the practice of tolerance and patience from the Dharma point of view, even in our day-to-day life experiences tolerance and patience have great benefits, such as being able to sustain and maintain our calmness of mind, peace of mind, and presence of mind. So if an individual possesses this capacity of tolerance and patience, then even if the person lives in a very tense environment, one that is frantic and stressful, the person's calmness and presence of mind will not be disturbed." 

from : Healing Anger: The Power of Patience from a Buddhist Perspective

Dhamma

You too can learn a non sectarian, non religious, as scientific as science can get and a zero dogma technique to work on those bad things, best of all for FREE!

Enjoy.

What follows is a discussion that I had with Doc. I thought I should post it here for it might be interesting to a few others too.

Yes this was a very beautiful piece this issue. Check it out: Homeland or the Deception of Things

Me: sorry was reading a legal/social article on citizenship and what that entails Her: ok Me: it's interesting Me: was triggered by you "patriotic" impulse to conduct an mini inquiry into that Her: mine is not an impulse Me: yes perhaps it is not Me: but it begs for a lot of answers Me: sorry but this has been like a crack that I can't resist worrying... Her: me confused? Her: ok read, Her: umm, I’m working so going to keep doing that, ok? Me: ok peace Me: go do work Me: sorry I am mumbling around Her: yeah, get to the point Her: crack = ? Worry why? Me: no a series of interesting questions come up Me: like what were you before you took on citizenship? Her: no answers there, within me, sorry Me: less patriotic? Her: towards US, yes Her: didn't care about either Me: less American? Her: perhaps Her: couldn't celebrate certain holidays in same light Her: wasn't a sense of same unity there is now Me: then a series of different questions come up Me: how does this unity come about? Me: factors of identification? Her: people just kind of treat you differently Me: do the lines vanish really? Her: no but there's sort of a coming-out Her: with party celebrating/congratulations said...weird Me: no this comes from a sense of knowing a bit of troubled history US Me: has with defining that Me: the biggest one being internment of Japanese Americans Me: were they less American? Her: question has been asked billions of times Her: no real answer Her: except xenophobia Her: and fear of previous link/heritage influencing them more than current nationalism as Americans Me: so does that mean patriotism has a selective memory Her: no Her: you're confusing Her: people's perspectives of others patriotism Her: with their own perspective and devotion to it Her: it's prejudice Her: not selective memory Me: ok I meant that some patriotism being selectively better than others Me: or being perceived better than others Her: explain further Her: that's the fault of the perceiver, right? Me: isn't it there a fault with the definition of a nation? Her: like judging a diamond as real, few real measures Me: what makes a nation? Me: ideas? color of the skin? Me: habit patterns? Me: economics? Her: ideas and rights..."one for all and all for one" unity Me: an ideal of oneness with a selection policy inbuilt? Her: selection policy? Me: yes one for all for one... only if you have a certain qualification... Me: peace i guess i would find it difficult to find myself a label except perhaps as an universalist.... Her: ideally, yes, citizenship, which makes you, take an oath to the country Her: citizenship as the qualification Her: grand to be universalist but not realistic in this miserable world Her: and one where you need to belong somehow Me: ya being a high ground idealist I find that sucks Her: cause of all wars, think about wwii, cause? Me: what will you call Americans who support Israel almost to the point where they give the impression of being citizens of that country? Me: Jewish Americans? Her: their own group Me: lol Me: true Her: they find unity within that Me: then this dissolves the notion of Americanism Her: I guess the only selection policy is patriotism Her: no Me: poof! Then it has vanished Her: America is the melting pot Her: acceptance of all Her: and unity with patriotism to this one above all Her: reason why there is written in a separation of church and state Me: lol that sounds like the blurb of some Govt propaganda sheet Her: although Me: sorry Her: not fully carried out because no president yet Her: has been not a white male Christian Me: actually I think the only thing that matters Me: is power Me: and cash Her: in reality, yes Me: and i don't see a minority guy being one Her: but people like to live in their own ideal worlds and ignore the corruption of it all Me: dukakis Me: was the closest who came to it Me: and he got his ass whipped Me: by the bushie dynasty Her: that was different Her: lots of factors there Her: gulf war factor Her: bush was vp for 8 yrs prior and people liked him Her: wanted to keep republican Her: he lied Her: read my lips "no new taxes" Me: ya true like the current guy might win in the next round by selling the voodo of war on terrorism Her: last statement main reason he won Her: haunts him now because he had to raise taxes anyway Me: peace i was asking this question to myself Her: my mom is still patriotic towards India though Her: loves singing the national anthem Her: that they had to in school everyday Me: can my kid have a shot at it? Me: yup we had to Her: at what? Me: presidency Me: lol Her: maybe Her: if it becomes more liberal Her: need Colin Powell to break the trend Her: but he won't run Me: yup he would have been real afraid of his ass Her: few requirements for presidency though Her: native born American Her: over 35 years old Me: he could have been assassinated Her: some other something...service in something Her: probably true Me: ok peace Her: but he's half and half Her: and his wife is white Me: lol Her: white Me: whiter your are closer to power you can get Me: sad Her: mmm Her: yes, sad Her: but he can crack it I meant Her: because of all these factors Her: set a precedent Me: ya i see what you are saying Her: or break one Me: it is puzzling political apathy Me: sorry if any of this made you uncomfortable Her: no, why Her: I’m not ashamed or afraid to say I’m patriotic even if you attack it Her: I just am Me: lol good it's better to believe in something Me: belief has it's own madness

Small hours of the evening, a cool evening in Balichak,sitting on the canal bank with Maniak, preseumtously fishing, the string unsteady in the breeze, hanging from the end of the bamboo pole,it was more to be there than to fish, however Mainak doesn't recognise this and catches fish with a mechanical efficieny, puts them in the small basket he brought along, well then Mainak couldn't afford to buy fish in the market, Debu the killer shark could.A small boy rdies a cow further up the stream and dives in with a splah into the water, joyous laughter.Women returning home from work,sarees a careful quilt of repair work, strangely beautiful in this setting sun.They must be masters at economics to wear the same wrap of cloth so many times,he knows that how terrifying is poverty, he was born in that, so he doesn't glorify being poor, just notices how much content these women would be if they could buy a piece of cloth in the weelky fair.And back in Bombay he remeber going out one evening with Helena, one of his colleuges, just out of loneliness, and on going to her flat and seeing two whole wardrobes of clothes and being mildly shocked.She laughed at him and said maybe he should have been born when that naked fakir, as Churchill had called Gandhi was around.He laughed yet at a level the discomfort didn't go away.Maybe he should bring Helena here and show her these women, with the sarees or whatever one can call those colorful quilts of cloth,dusty elbows from working in the rice fields all day.Maybe beauty will be redefined.

    The season of monsoons had begun and Mainak doesn't seem to particularly like this

season,well then he hates how hard it rains and how much his hurt leaks.It feels strange for Debu to be sitting in that one room hut and listen to the sound of rain above on the thatched roof, it almost feels like it's raining on his skin,how foriegn had this sound become.It had been almost ten days since he had come to Balichak,travelling on that old train that turns at the bend, ten miles from here.Soon his truosers were replaced by a simple wrap and a vest, it seemed obscene, almost overdressed to wear anything else. And impractical too in that moist wetness that the air used to take when almost bright sun used to come out when it stopped raining.Croak of the frogs at night,just a small earthen lamp for light and sound of Mainak's flute on some nights when Mainak was too tierd to sleep.It used to soothe them both.

    Somehow now the recollections seem to happen less often and with less sharpness.He couldn't make sense of things when Varsha left,he still doesn't understand why, though he took the blame for the fall when it came. This place where he was born somehow took him back to the womb and

makes him not seek answers to those insistent questions of why and why.He is content to just watch the stars on blanket of darkness when the clouds used to clear their wreath of gloom.And those stars those infinite large number of infinitely small points of light for these nights subsist for Varsha's eyes whom he loved to kiss everynight before he slept.

Notes: Kgp and Bengal when I was there I couldn't wait to get out.Now I remember the whole place so vividly.Those few miles I used to ride down with Kuppa to sit on a canal bank and watch bullock carts and village women walk on by, old t shirts wet with sweat,old faithful hawwai slippers on the feet,Kuppa smoking a ciggy sometimes, we used to sit there for sometimes late into the evening and ride back as small earthen lamps used to glow from the inside of small huts that used to line the road.I think I loved those smells and somehow some of the character of that place still remains within me, as i sit here in the shadows of skyscapers and the miracle of airconditioning.There was some greater force at work at those times.

2001-04-28 Atlanta,12.20 AM