Hey! Do you know what you are? You're an asshole! An ASSHOLE!

Some of you might not agree 'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery But think a while and you will see... Broken hearts are for assholes Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole? Broken hearts are for assholes Are you an asshole too? Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole...

Maybe you think you're a lonely guy Maybe you think you're too tough to cry So you went to The Grape, Just to give it a try And Dagmar Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I ever saw in my life Was his name... One Two Three Four! The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up And yet he was a beautiful lady Nearly drove you insane Let's talk about Leather: LEATHERRRRRR And so you kissed a little sailor Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production: Who had just blew in from Spain Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel The story of a demented bread-boffer And acted like it was cocaine Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town In a way you can't explain Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match With Kona. And so you worked the wall with Michael Three-hundred-seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite Which gave your back an awful strain Volcanic Hell But you came back on Sunday for the gong show Next Thursday, teen town's finest... But you forgot what I was sayin' 'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, you're an asshole Yes, yes You're an asshole, you're an asshole That's right You're an asshole, you're an asshole

Now you been to The Grape 'n' you been to The Chest 'N' now I think you know what you are: you're an asshole

You say you can't live with what you been through Well, ladies you can be an asshole too You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you, But don't fool yerself girl It's lookin' at you Don't fool yerself girl It's winkin' at you Don't fool yerself girl It's blinkin' at you That's why I say I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Corn hole Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Fist fuck Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Wrist-watch; Crisco Ram it, ram it, ram it Ram it up yer poop chute Pud!

Don't fool yerself, girl It's goin' right up yer poop chute Don't fool yerself, girl It's goin' right up yer poop chute (etc., repeats)

Aw, I knew you'd be surprised...

Only Zappa could make lyrics like this and carry on making it all sound funny and ironic. Which when one thinks of it, it is! And then Watermelon in Easter Hay is one of the finest aching guitar solo orchestrations ever performed.