HMF:

Sashi: "No amount of "due diligence" or a number of "test drives" are good enough guarantors that it will all work out"

"a careful review of the available social science evidence suggests that living together is not a good way to prepare for marriage or to avoid divorce""

But people test drive cars and practice due diligence anyway, right? Pre-marital co-habitation is one method, not the only one. I believe that social dynamics, relationship maintenance, connecting emotionally, or as the ubiquitous female buzzword "chemistry" are skills like any other - playing piano, riding bikes, solving differential equations - and can only develop with practice. To those that recoil and say "No way! You make it too serious and scientific bla bla" I call them naturals, they naturally develop those skills, and rarely have to think of their mechanics. But make no mistake.. they ARE skills."

S: I agree with the point you make regarding development of "relational" skills. That said, I think these are skills (I am thinking of kindness, empathy, emotional resilience etc more than the skills required to "romance" effectively - this is not to implay that "romance" skills are not required but that they are minor, atleast in my system of thinking) that someone accquires (or learns over) a lifetime from his/her entire web of relationships (family, friendships, work relationship etc), and not necessarily from "test drives" alone. Again, as you said, not every one has to "test drive" in order to learn the "soft" skills required for great marriages - they can acqure from other sources as well.

HMF:

"I think kindness, empathy, are natural qualities, no one is born an adulterer or mass murderer or anything else for that matter. It's a matter of uncovering them. Romance skills (actually I don't like that term, I prefer social dynamics) can only be acquired from test drives."

S: Isn't "uncovering" the EQ type skills/ qualities (such as kindness, empathy, emotional resilience etc, which you say are innate human qualities - and to which I agree with reservations) a matter of learning through the more complete web of human relationships than just romance/ dating/ "test drives"? One can be an effective/ charming "dater", and never be any further in uncovering/learning these skills, mainly because they are usually learned (and come into play) in the long run. And all this reminds me of a story from the life of Buddha.

That said, your ciritique on how the "arranged marriage" system can be a deadline-based, guilt-tripping, societal pressure cooker is quite on the money .