After making myself sick last night, yes only we have that power for none else can disturb our peaceful frame of mind if we don't allow them to, I went home and called up a friend and talked all night. We usually talk to get reassurances about our own stands and to get "sympathy" about our own misery, thus making the whole thing more worse.

However a wonderful thing happened. Instead of paraphrasing the questions from my point of view, he started asking questions from the diamaterically opposite point of view. The most important question he asked was this, suppose you encounter a situation in which a person claims to love you but either you don't that person as much or you are simply in no position to love that person, will you give up your freedom and acquecise? This question made me realise the wrong angle from which I was asking questions: I was asking "WHY?" while I should have been asking "What if I was required to make such a choice?".

Viewing the situation from this viewpoint made me realise how silly I was most of all day yesterday, berating myself and reducing into an emotional wreck. I also enabled me to practice forgiveness for given the circumstances maybe I too would have acted or reacted in the same way.

We also talked a lot about the ideas that seem to hold relationships vs relationships in an arranged marriage social setting. One critial idea that became evident was when people marry, mostly through arranged marriages in India, what essentially happens along with the marriage is that families are in a way "marry" into one another. While arranged marriages may have their own drawbacks, the biggest plus is that families which still give a solid basis individually, by virtue of pseudo merging end up acting as the secondary glue to the marriage. Such a larger social net acts as a balance against the "I" and "myness" that seems to be to a major factor in the fragility of relationships here in the US. Besides sucessful relationships have always been about that, balance of individual wants and urges vs common goals, needs and aspirations i.e my good vs the greater common good.

The side effects of concentrating on "My good" or "My gain" or "My desires" lead to great discomfort when required to make compromises(invetiably however well matched or snychronized two people may be, there are compromises that have to be made), negative energy that comes from such a dissonance and lack of a deeper perspective on human nature.

We discussed this as one of his labmates was going through a divorce just after an year from his wife who was his girlfriend of 6+ years based on a percieved loss of freedom. While being an advocate of freedom and emphasising full rights in making our own choices, I think sometime we should pause and see if the choice we are making is really going to contribute to our long range happiness. Now what is the use of freedom when such a possibily false freedom will make us feel miserable anyway!!! I think good freedoms in the most fundamental sense are those that enable us to exercise our talents and enable us to better ourselves. And we should fight for these freedoms if any relationship endangers them and prevents us from developing our potentials.

However freedoms that simply involve jumping from a frying pan into a oven, in search of stuff usually some version of highly idealised romantic mumbo jumbo, are not freedoms at all but instead bondages for gratification of some(usually unrealistic and self centered) desires. While desires are good, afterall human life wouldn't have survived if there wasn't the desire for self preservation, we can be dangerously stuck in a Palavov's dog loop, wherein our minds become so conditioned by our desires that pressing a button causes us to salivate and switching off a button causes us to howl in pain. This is exactly what my desires did to me yesterday evening.

And then, atleast I have to admit to this, gratification of a desire necessarily doesn't mean our happiness level will increase by leaps and bounds for we still can be as miserable as we were before. This has happened to me and probably has happened to a lot of us. So the moral of the story is reduce the desires to a minimum and direct the thoughts towards happiness rather than allowing thoughts to drive us towards the good old Palavov's dog loop of desires, which both fullfilled and unfullfilled can leave us in the same miserable state as before!!

And as I read through this I realise I have done nothing but very directly understand Buddha's Four Noble Truths:

1. THE EXISTENCE OF IMPERMANENCE Nothing lasts forever. Understand this and be not attached to what you are experiencing, otherwise you will experience suffering. When you experience happiness know that it is a reaction to circumstance and it is not a permanent state. Conversely, when you are suffering know that it shall not be eternal.

2. THE ARISING OF SUFFERING BECAUSE OF CRAVING Craving sensory stimulation, craving existence, and craving non-existence give rise to the continuity of being, and with it its attendant suffering. Attaining a state of non-craving should be part of your daily effort.

3. THE CESSATION OF SUFFERING One can end eternal suffering by ending the craving that leads to the continuation of suffering

4. THE MIDDLE WAY, or THE NOBLE EIGHTFOLD PATH Ending the craving that leads to the continuation of suffering is brought about through living by the ideals of the Noble Eightfold Path. It delineates a plan of self-discipline regarding ethical conduct, mental discipline, and wisdom. The Path avoids two extremes--the pursuit of complete and ultimate sensory pleasure, or the pursuit of utter self-denial

Thank you MJC for your sleep time. Our conversation helped me to instantly become sane and in the long run perhaps a little better person that who I was.

Love and joy to all.

very much for your nice comment on my alpha.ant i am so glad that despite your announcement on noticeboard8/10 you continue sending us stories on buoy.ant- i enjoy them so immensely! take my best wishes i always love to see your updates...! lg woelfin susi vienna