He thinks about his recent course of actions to see what he could and should have done otherwise, and more importantly what could he learn?

Not civility. That much effort he made. To be civil, not to degrade what was a long relationship with name calling, which any case doesn't offer anything to learn. Yet he couldn't avoid the muck of it. Perhaps there is no gentle enough method to say, "this is where I stop, and I will go no further on this path", especially if the path happens to be her life, or what he could percieve of it.

That said there is always the question in his mind: is this the best possible route, or is it just the most expedient route? When he poses this question to himself, both his intellect and heart affirm the former, and yet wonder about the latter. This is the paradox of choice: the good choice, the bad choice, and the indifferent choice.

What then was the basis of his choice? Was it delebrative or instinctual, all based on the small fund of his previous experiences? Perhaps a mixture of both, but always revolving around the cardinal priniciple of living, i.e., interacting and interweaving with other, an integral life, or at least making a delibrate effort to do so. What such a process, as he understands it, would lead to is fidelity.

Then this question follows in his mind: is it possible for a person who conceals significant personal facts for whatever reasons (perhaps, these can be termed the 'big' lies), and to backup such a coverup invents a continuum of 'small' lies, to become integral at some point of time in the now and the future? And even if this were possible (inner work can be done to overcome unethical habits), is it possible to regain trust, which is the basic coin of any living bond?

He has no answers to these quandries. But then, perhaps, the idea is not to seek answers to these quandries but to live with an awareness of these questions of integrity, fidelity and trust, as he turns, as he must, from suspicion to openess, from anger to letting go, and from indifference to compassion.

Can you find another market like this? Where, with your one rose you can buy hundreds of rose gardens?

Where, for one seed you get a whole wilderness?

For one weak breath, the divine wind?

You've been fearful of being absorbed in the ground, or drawn up by the air.

Now your waterbead lets go and drops into the ocean, where it came from.

It no longer has the form it had, but it's still water. The essence is the same.

This giving up is not a repenting. It's a deep honoring of yourself.

When the ocean comes to you as a lover, marry, at once, quickly, for Allah's sake!

Don't postpone it! Existence has no better gift.

No amount of searching will find this.

A perfect falcon, for no reason, has landed on your shoulder, and become yours.

translated by Coleman Barks