I sit at the same desk as I sat yesterday churning out distressful hynonyms, although physically the throat is much sore(er), the soul is much clearer having gone through the washer of writing. Also I suspect today being such a bright day also has to do something with this fact.

As for romantic sensibilites go, I suspect that has very little to do with countries and such. Indian "mass" movies are extra romantic with all that song and dance is because I suspect in a way it enables people to live out their repressed fantasies. Also that way I am a "freak" because I was at various points of time involved with women. It would shock the hell out of my tribe if they knew about that, so I follow "don't ask, don't tell" policy with them. Also I suspect even I do tell they would try to dissuade me from that. Ample evidence is S's(the girl whom I loved much, as much as I know what love is) father who is/was caught in a 80's India time wrap even after being in this country for about 20 years, whose version of his daughter's relationship(s) are those which he personally engineers, doctors and oversees. My parents would map this tendency to a large extent as well but sadly since I have left the tribe they can't impose what they think upon me. In the last conversation I had with my parents they were telling me Kiran's parents who stay in the same city, were worried about Kiran because he is refusing to marry from the subset they chose for him.

What can I say, all in all everything is messed up with my generation. Yes sexual dynamics worsen the matters somemore, with random sexual encounters and stranger definitions of what it means to be loyal. I have always felt like an alien when folks start talking about these matters, which is often. Statistically about 30% of the conversations I overheard while I was sitting at the Shaft next to the Student Center were about who was "doing" whom, when and how. My only guess is this comes from the consumeristic mindset that urges one to "compare" and "shop". This I suspect my generation, which is sexually more proscumious, embraces totally.

Perhaps this also explains the lack of patience or the short attention spans, since however "skilled" one is sexually the act can't last more than 30 mins and if one doesn't have the patience to wait for any other good qualities to manifest, then the criteria of choice becomes very simple: sexual performance. No wonder Viagra is such a bes selling drug as it hit the "market" which was primed.

Also as I mentioned before I am incapable of operating at that level of reducing stuff to mere friction or nervous excitement. So even is this way I am Gen X "freak" and maybe this attributes to my "loner" image. It's not because of choice or because of snobishness but solely because I don't want to or am incapable of operating at that level. And in the short time I have been in this country I have had the "dubious" chance of fending off such passes atleast on two occasions, not that I am a moralist and think all of this is sin, only that I can't and won't do the "grind" with random strangers.