Wow! Frances told me that going to Music Midtown was worth it, just for this band. That didn't happen and today as I was taking a study break by listening to RadioFreeVirgin online, I heard songs of this band come on. I am stunned and I am amazed by the simple lyrical capacity of these songs.

Everyone should listen to Raining in Baltimore which goes:

There's things I remember and things I forget I miss you I guess that I should Three thousand five hundred miles away But what would you change if you could? I need a phone call Maybe I should buy a new car I can always hear a freight train If I listen real hard And I wish it was a small world Because I'm lonely for the big towns I'd like to hear a little guitar I think it's time to put the top down I need a phone call I need a raincoat

And everyone should listen to Counting Crows: A Long December, a simple and beautiful song that ends "It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...I guess I should"

The last time I heard such consistently good songs is when I heard Tracy Chapman's New Begining fill up a far away room in which a woman is now sleeping, that was already full of unsaid emotions.

Rock on!

Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Nature provides you with more than you deserve. Understanding this fact will reduce your suffering. So keep this fact in mind: that at this moment Nature has given me more than I deserve. Then you will be grateful every moment of your life. The more you are grateful the more you will get. But if you think you deserve something more then whatever you may get you will feel a lack. This lack consciousness will keep on growing and will make you suffer more. So be humble. This is what is called trust, trust that Nature is giving you more than what you want, that I don't deserve but Nature has provided me with more than I deserve.

You know there are two kinds of joy. One kind of joy comes through getting. Oh if I get something I will be happy, if I get a toy I will be happy, if I get a toffee I will be happy. Getting will bring you certain kind of joy. Getting is the joy of a child. However this joy doesn't seem to grow, you feel stuck in this joy. But there is another kind of joy, a mature kind of joy, the joy that is in giving. The joy of a mother, you know a mother doesn't cook different dishes when she is at home alone but when her kids come home she cooks a lot of dishes, the joy of giving. We have shift in our lives from the joy of getting to the joy of giving.

When I woke up this morning, I felt joyless, wishing oh God why do I have to wake up? Not another day. Then I went back and listened to this talk and what I have transcribed above struck me like a hammer. That's what I had been doing all weekend. Yes there was pain but I was the cause of my own suffering by wishing, oh I wish I get some love.

The above meditation on reflection has made me more peaceful. Why even the sunlight falling across this table even seems much brighter and clear, full of suprise and possibility.

May all beings be happy. 12.30 PM

You don't have to lie about where you've been, We both know you've been screaming..." So why don't you give your little voice a rest, Come on up inside my bed, And just pretend you need me...

You don't have to lie about what you know, We both know you've been suffering, And I don't need to be your only one, I don't need your comforting, I just need you with me...

Stay, stay, stay with me, Stay, stay with me... stay, And don't you ever run away from me, Stay, stay with me...

Well, and if she ever lets you down, After she's run out of your money, Well then crawl on back to me... I'm the one that sets you free, And I'm the one that needs you...

And if she ever lets you go, We both know what you're needing, And if you need somewhere to rest, Somewhere to lay your head, You'll know where to find me...

Stay, stay, stay with me, Stay, stay, stay with me... stay, And don't you ever run away from me, Stay, stay with me...

tear out all the headlines emptyin' the ashtrays, sweep out of the way of what's left of our time... well, you can use my body, to do what you have to, but stay a little longer, stay with me...

Have been lisenting to this song again and again all afternoon, using it as an axe to fell the sorrow which has solidified like a tree within me. My eyes hurt but refuse to ease me with tears. Hunger grows.